Thursday, 7 July 2011

Things I'd Like To Do With The Actor James Gandolfini: #1 Go For A Pint and A Pub Quiz

It's been a busy few weeks and stacks of DVDs have replaced trips to the cinema for the meantime. Frustrating but the thought of Transformers 3 is keeping me far away from the big screens for at least another week.

Time has been an issue for the lack of content and writer's block. Words usually flow for me when it comes to writing about film but many hours were spent re-writing and then scrapping a rant about Jesse Eisenberg. In short, he gets on my tits. Some day I might have the eloquence to explain why.

Anyway, this all leads to a new article for the blog and one that will hopefully become semi-regular (expect more updates for Actors Against Gravity soon). And so The Big Screen Presents: Things I'd Like To Do With The Actor James Gandolfini.

About a month ago, having fallen asleep during The Last Castle, my dreams were infiltrated by an imposing figure in the form of James Gandolfini. As he has a role in the film it seems completely normal to have gone on to dream about him. However before falling asleep during the film, there had been a news report on the benefits of breastfeeding. These two elements combined in a lethal fashion in my head like a lorry full of mentos crashing into a Coke factory. It was out of control. My subconcious decided on the most disturbing scenario it could imagine. Me, my adult self, was being breastfed by Tony Soprano and discussing certain scenes of In The Loop.

It was only after I had woken up that I realised just how horrific my slumber had been. More worrying was how ambivalent I was during the entire act. I spent the rest of the morning considering how having shared such an intimate moment with the man that we could relocate our relationship to a purely platonic plain.

Things I'd Like To Do With The Actor James Gandolfini: #1 Go For A Pint and A Pub Quiz.

We would meet at my local. It would seem quaint and very English to Jim (I can call him's cool) and he would feel inclined to fit the ambiance by buying a pint of Black Sheep Ale for £1.85. A mere sip of the lukewarm ale would lead to a conversation about how all ale tastes like piss and lukewarm coffee. We would both laugh. I tell him I'll get the next round. I'd buy a pint of Strongbow and grab him a pint of Coors Light. Frosty cold glasses makes for an infinitely more enjoyable set of drinks. For the next round we would swap beverages. He wouldn't get over the crisp tang of Strongbow and can't quite get used to it. 'Nevermind, it goes down like water' he duly notes. An above average score follows on the quiz and we narrowly miss out on a third place finish. It doesn't matter though as we've had a great time. A shake of the hand and nod that says 'Same time next week'. See you then Jim.


  1. Black Sheep for £1.85? I wish. Its at least £2.80 at the hair and hounds.

  2. Also no pub quiz machine?