Monday, 23 May 2011

Actors Against Gravity - Oscar Nominees Diagnosed

A disturbing discovery was made this week as literally tens of movie posters were put under the glare of the anti-gravity spotlight. At first the promotional posters for the 1994 romantic comedy Only You may seem like they have managed to escape the usual pitfall of the two leads leaning upon one another. The movie, which went under the radar for many despite critics lauding it as "easily forgettable", sees Marisa Tomei and Robert Downey Jr playing around with ouija boards and carnival fortune tellers in the search for a disgustingly happy ending.

However, further research into the promotional material of the film has shown a VHS cover (although no one is believed to have bought the film on video) displaying one of the most horrendous cases of excess gravity yet.

The corner of the poster highlighting the 45 degree angle whilst the muted smile that straddles Downey Jr's smug visage hides his pain at his inability to balance.

It is a worrying indication of the widespread issue that faces actors today. Both Tomei and Downey Jr have been Oscar nominees in the past which suggests a great inner strength to overcome their difficulties with equilibrium in their profession. Nevertheless these are only minor victories and they are two more high profile names to join the list alongside Carell, Bullock, Affleck, Zeta Jones, Roberts, Hudson, Grant, Russo, Kevin Costner, Richard Gere and Matthew McConaughey (who is now believed to be living at a permanent 30 degree angle). What kind of life awaits these stars of today?

Who will help these veritable treasures of modern culture who struggle so severely to find gravity in their performances? You can! And we all can by spreading awareness of their plight.

Join us on twitter @gravityvictims to keep up with breaking news in this on going struggle.

Together we can overcome gravity!

Saturday, 7 May 2011

Actors Against Gravity: Costner and Russo Laugh To Hide The Tears

Golf Pro. Love Amateur. Gravity Sufferer.

Another high profile Hollywood name to fall victim to the Earth's most powerful force became apparent this week. The poster for 1996's Tin Cup, praised by the Los Angeles Times as "dispiritingly conventional and obvious", shows the two leads sharing a moment of light-hearted warmth. Perhaps Rene Russo told her co-star that joke that she knows. However, no amount of smiling can gloss over the worrying position of Kevin Costner. He has found himself at a quite unfeasible angle as he tries to enjoy life at a permanent 45 degree slant.

Russo seems to serves two purposes in this poster. The first is to act as a guide of as near to an upright angle as is possible in a romcom poster. This highlights the ludicrous nature of Costner's stance. The second seems to be physically pulling Costner away from an even more absurd angle. It is unclear how strong Rene Russo actually is but she appears to be pulling her co-star up to a workable angle by only using a three finger grip on his right forearm.

Sources close to Costner indicate that his move away from the limelight in recent years may be down to his struggle with gravity. One source goes further and claims that the Dances With Wolves star spends up to 8 hours a night lying at an entirely horizontal angle.

A disheartening development as the fight to find a cure continues!

Together we can defeat gravity!

Friday, 6 May 2011


Confessions (告白 Kokuhaku) is another example to the world that the Far East has taken revenge cinema to a whole new level over the past decade. Following in the elaborate vengeful footsteps of Park Chan-Wook’s Vengeance Trilogy, Confessions sees a teacher exact her punishment on the two pupils responsible for the death of her daughter. A syringe filled with AIDS infected blood is the unusual weapon of choice used to taint the milk of the guilty. With everyone having received their daily dose of calcium she calmly breaks the news to the unknowing class. However, the sweeping of four awards at the 34th Japanese Academy Awards (including Best Picture and Best Director) as well as making the nine film shortlist for the ever competitive Best Foreign Film category at this year’s Oscars suggests there is more than purely dodgy dairy products and classroom disharmony on display.

Writer and director Tetsuya Nakashima has had little success with previous films Kamikaze Girls and Memories of Matsuko in his attempts to breach the Western market. Both only managed a handful of screenings in festivals and independent cinemas across Europe and North America before promptly making their way via DVD release to the dimly lit World Cinema aisle. Confessions though, having been released on DVD at the end of April, has received a limited release in cinemas nationwide thanks to leading distributors of East Asian cinema, Third Window Films.

The reason for the wider release than his previous films seems to lie in the greater appeal to a Western audience which is most clearly evident in the film’s soundtrack. Nakashima, who also takes on the role of Music Supervisor, rejects a purely instrumental score and instead opts for a mixture of tracks specifically composed for the film and others that were not. The result is an intoxicating cocktail of one part bizarre odes about milk, a few hefty measures of heavy ambient rock, a tinge of Radiohead’s recent back catalogue with ‘Last Flowers’ then finished with a decorative umbrella composed of KC and the Sunshine Band’s ‘That’s the Way (I Like It)’. Whilst the mix may seem overly eclectic and at times downright peculiar on paper, it works perfectly when blended with Nakashima’s creative vision. The final sequence in particular highlights the brilliance of Nakashima’s choice and execution in using previously released material to complement his story. ‘Farewell’, a track released in 2005 by Japanese experimental rock band Boris, with its ominous wave of distorted guitars crashing into Nakashima’s imagery on screen leaves a brutally cathartic aftertaste as the credits begin to roll.

Confessions was released on DVD on April 25th. Visit for news and details of cinema screenings nationwide.